A lot on my mind

A while back I deleted all my old posts.
Most thought it was for ego management, but here's the poop.


The shit has been hitting the fan here in Hooterville for quite some
time now, and it seems the hits just keep on coming.
I've avoided going into any kind of detail for about a year now because,
well, friends that are close know pretty much all the deatils and friends that are,
well, friendly...well I've found out time after time that when the going gets tough....
most just fall to the way side for fear bad luck is contagious or something.

A. For almost two years now the major road in front of our business has been "under construction" and it wa supposed to have been finished a year ago and still has not been finished yet. This past year was dreadful. They blocked access to our driveway 4 to 5 days out of 7 for well over 5 months. Our business is down by over 50% and we are ready to give up.We have wrote letters, called every state offical we could think of and this no compensation for our business. They pretty much told us there was nothing they could do so in other words "pound sand".
B. Our business partner it sems has whipped himself up a raging heroin addiction for which no one can do anything about. This past year has had the added joy of him stealing money from the business and wracking up more debts because he is, not only an addict, but an ass. His mother was a dear, dear friend of ours, the best of all people, someone you'd be honored to know and be loved by. Sadly our Debbie passed away and all that was good is gone. Apparently she cannot reach him from the beyond and he is beyond our help anymore. As my friend Sara says "these things never end well" and she is right. Our hearts are broken.

C. Just recentley my mother in law was diagnosed with Gallbladder cancer which it turns out is very rare and very aggressive. Just two years ago she survived a bout with Guilliam Barre' Syndrome that had her on life support fot two months. She had recovered but not totally and it left her weak.Her frame of mind is bad. She is not a positive person and to keep her going is tearing the heart of my beloved Kyle. So strong for so long and his hearts breaks into tinier bits.

I have gone through some really heavy stuff before my dears, but when the bow breaks the cradle will fall....and I feel like I am falling.

PLEASE no sympathy.....there are people that have it worse..it just doesn't feel like that right now. I just felt like I wanted to purge my mind and soul. My sense of humor and sanity is failing .
I'm sure it's just a momentary lapse in strength.....I am just so sad and drained and worried and fearful that I will break...it's almost too much. Send all whte light, prayers, good thoughts, jokes and whatever strength and optimism you can spare.
I am undone.


P